Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Adventures with Sleepy Nate

My husband sleepwalks and talks (fun fact: if you tell that to nurses, they will give you your own room in the hospital because they don't want you messing up your roommate's stuff). The first time I experienced this was when we were dating. He had fallen asleep and I was considering heading home when all of a sudden he jumped up, grabbed some random clothes in his closet, threw them at me, and yelled, "Put these on! We gotta go!" I was more than a little freaked out and started asking what was wrong. He then shouted, "There's a bomb in the building! We have to get out!" I suppose he thought the clothes were some kind of special vests or something, but I managed to wake him up and he then profusely apologized.

Now that we actually share a home and a bed, I get a more frequent dose of sleepwalking episodes, and sometimes they're actually worth documenting.

Nate: [giggles in his sleep]
me: What's so funny?
Nate: [mumble mumble mumble] my prize [mumble] naked boobs
me: Your prize was naked boobs?
Nate: [giggles and nods]
me: What did you win?
Nate: [mumble mumble mumble]

Sorry, that's all the detail I got. Wish I knew what kind of contest he was winning...

Accidentally woke (if you can call it that) him up because I giggled at something I was reading. He looked at me, confused.

me: I was just laughing at something online. Go back to sleep.
Nate: [chuckles to himself]
me: What are you laughing at?
Nate (in a Jamaican accent): Don't worry about the ticking.
me: ...ticking?
Nate: Yes.
me: What ticking?
Nate: ...zzzzz...

I assumed there was no bomb about to explode.

Nate: [suddenly sticks his right arm out and starts rubbing his thumb and first finger together. Then, he turns his right hand into a fist and starts lightly tapping it with his left fist and makes a small circular motion, like he's trying to put shredded cheese on a dish]
me: ...Nate?
Nate: [stops the hand thing, snaps his head up at me, and half-opens his eyes]
me: ...what are you doing?
Nate: Puppies.
me: Puppies?
Nate: [waves hands, snorts, and goes back to sleep]

....well, ok then.

Nate: [sits up, squints, and starts pinching the blanket as if he's trying to find something underneath it]
me: What's going on?
Nate: I know how they're losing.
me: ...Losing what? How are they losing?
Nate: They keep falling out.
me: Falling out of what?
Nate: [makes pinching motion] Little pockets.

Lilliputian wars, perhaps?

Nate: [sits up and starts whistling a jaunty tune]
me: What are you doing?
Nate: Hmm? Nothing. Hey, Freya! [picks up dirty diaper bag, puts down dirty diaper bag, mumbles]
me: What? Are you ok?
Nate: Yeah.
me: [picks up and zips closed the dirty diaper bag] You left this open.
Nate: It happens. Well. [lies back down] deedly deedly diggidy 

End scene.

Nate: [sits up, whistles (again, with the jaunty tune well past midnight), pets Freya, and puts on his glasses]
me: Why are you putting on your glasses?
Nate: So I can see.
me: ...why?
Nate: Cookies? [blinks, looks around] Are we doing anything?
me: ...no. Maybe you should take off your glasses and go back to sleep.
Nate: Ok.

He then proceeded to pretty much take over the entire bed. I think he called it "snuggling" in the morning, but I'm pretty sure I was only still on the mattress because the co-sleeper served as a bumper.

Freya did one of her doggy shakes and the tag jingles stirred Nate.

Nate (to Freya): Come here. [pats her] Wolverine is mumble mumble...
me: What?
Nate: [points to Freya] Wolverine is number one.
me: Um. Wolverine?
Nate: Open and.
me: Open and what?
Nate: Sesame seeds. Mmm.

I couldn't tell, but I think he might have been trying to figure out what goes well with adamantium.

Nate: [moves arm so that it's almost in my face] [intense stare]
me: ...
Nate: [swoops arm around in a loop to the other side]
me: What are you doing?
Nate: Reading.

He glared at me when I laughed.

And most recently, from last night:

Nate: [wakes with a start, gasps, jolts upright, and starts feeling around on my side of the bed (I was across the room)]
me: Whoa, whoa, what's the matter?
Nate: Sharp pointy yellow things.
me: ...there are no bees, arrows, spears, or any other sharp things around.
Nate: ...[blinks]...but I'm supposed to protect you.


1 comment:

  1. oh my gosh this is equal parts awesome and terrifying